And to be loved, we need to be known
there's a new song on my life soundtrack
Have you ever found a song with lyrics that seem to be written with you in mind? I like to keep a long list of songs that resonate with me, acting as a soundtrack for my life.
A few on my list so far?
Closer to Fine by the Indigo Girls
yes, a required track for most middle-aged white gen-x ladies
Losing my Religion by REM
I may have loved this song back even when I had religion
It’s Too Late by Carole King
the song of all my heartbreak (along with “He thinks he’ll keep her” by Mary Chapin Carpenter & “We are never getting back together,” obvs)
White Wine in the Sun by Tim Minchin
a very favourite holiday tune that always makes my heart hurt
Wide Open Spaces by The Chicks
the track of me leaving the suffocating American south for the wide open spaces of the Canadian prairies (see also: Defying Gravity, from Wicked)
How to be Righteous by Lori McKenna
the hymn for my life
The Mother by Brandi Carlile
‘cause I am the mother of Emmalee (when I sing along, I may replace my girl’s name for Evangeline’s - I bet Brandi won’t mind)
… and now, the latest on my soundtrack list: We Can Do Hard Things by Tish Melton.
Here’s a link to her song, and here are the lyrics:
Music is such good medicine.
Sometimes it helps to simply acknowledge: this is HARD.
But, I can do hard things.
I believe this song resonates so much because of its simple message: life can be heartbreaking and difficult, and more than anything, we want to be known.
I also appreciate this line in the song: "We stopped asking directions // To places they have never been" reminding me of many times in my life when I have let the wrong people's voices be the loudest ones I hear.
Most of these ignorant voices belong to those who have never been to the places I have been or want to go to — so why am I allowing them to set my course?
Ultimately, it’s the closing lines of the chorus that resonate the most:
And to be loved, we need to be known
We'll finally find our way back home
And through the joy and pain, that our lives bring
We can do hard things
If I were to ever buy into the evangelized "love languages" theory again, feeling known is the most powerful way that I can experience love in relationships.
As I continue to work through some of the joy and pain of my life, I’m starting to look back differently on the times I had my heart broken or felt misunderstood. It often hurts most when you feel unknowable by those you want to understand.
A statement that is often used in recovery groups is "you did the best you could, with the tools you had" — it’s a way of expressing compassion rather than shame or judgement as you look back at your past choices. Now, as I rewind my life and start playing out many traumatic events I’ve worked hard to ignore, I’m starting to balance out the accountability I crave with more elements of compassion and understanding for others’ choices that impacted me.
Perhaps these insights of mine are all just another stop on the rite of passage we all go through when "growing up" — the courage to look back on the hard things, and yet still make the choice to forgive the people who have broken you.
It’s I’m a work in progress. Music helps.
…and, speaking of “we can do hard things,” I have officially filed in Family Court for full legal-decision-making authority.
Wish me luck.
Things that brought me joy this week:
It was a week of no classes, yet still a busy week full of work. This last academic term has been one of the more challenging ones I’ve had since the pandemic — students have absolutely zero margin left at this point in the term. As a result, I’ve had many weepy and overwhelmed students in my office or on Zoom. It breaks my heart, and makes me exhausted on a whole other level. I hope what I’m doing in my classes helps.
I unsubscribed from the STLHE mailing list, and it felt GOOD. And I’m not sure when I’ll be back.
My former dean is moving to PEI. Bless her heart.
I now have normal(ish) looking hair again! And I no longer hate it as much. I may have brought my latest stitching project to the hip studio I go to, just to represent the old lady contingent.
It’s finally feeling like Spring in these parts — just in time for snow this week. Ah well, I’m still going to bike to school tomorrow.
Reading: student research reports (send help). Watching: Black Mirror season 6 — especially “Joan is Awful”. Listening: Music for Plants playlist.
Meme of the week:
Great post. I do not want to imagine life without music.
“My former dean is moving to PEI. Bless her heart.”……..Your southern roots coming through? 😀 (And I’m not referring to the “adult looking hair”)😀