attending to tending

or, why it's so much easier to help someone else

from “Growing Together” BY THICH NHAT HANH

It’s the new year, so resolutions abound. I’m one of those types who tend to eschew that tradition, if only because it’s almost cliche at this point. That said, maybe my smugness is because I tend to not take very good care of myself.

Danny reminded me of the above passage from Thy, and I love his metaphor of tending gardens so much more than the other aviational analogy of ‘putting on your air mask first.’

I come from a long line of helpmakers and givers. My folks both have had careers (minister + nurse) that relied heavily on emotional labouring, in addition to their technical training. So, working as an overfunctioner is literally in my DNA.

All of this background, combined with the indelible mark of growing up in a church where I served others all the time — translates into me being an excellent helper for others. I suck at helping myself, to the point where I sometimes I will work to find ways to avoid it.

It sounds ridiculous, I know. But it’s just easier.

My secret weapon in conversations (which won’t be so secret now, whoops) is to ask someone: “So, what’s keeping you busy these days?” and then to just let them TALK. I love learning about others, so I do enjoy our exchange — but I know that I often will not contribute very much about my life in return.

Maybe it’s because I’m a cagey bitch? Maybe I am rapidly retreating into an introvert world (while busy teaching the extroverted act of public speaking)? Maybe I am insecure about being accepted?

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I can see now that I need to start working to better ‘tend the green space’ that makes up Rebekah.

I know I need to get better with how I eat — these last few years have set some bad disordered eating patterns (I know I should eat more than just peanut-butter-filled pretzels).

I know I need to work on my sleep. I am a TERRIBLE sleeper, and I know it’s probably because I work on devices too long into the night, and I drink way too much coffee in the AM.

I need to work on dealing with my stress and anxiety.

I want to find more light in my world. January feels so dark.

It’s the new year, and it feels like a new start. I’m just at that ‘fake it til you make it’ stage of whether or not the changes I want to make will stick.

Please give me all your advice.

I know it’s going to take some time and patience to me to figure out my horticultural needs, but this post is me saying to the universe that I know it’s time.

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Things that brought me joy this week:

• I re-read Tompkin’s (1990) “Pedagogy of the Distressed” and it really got my wheels turning for what I want to write in my PhD diss proposal. And because my brain never turns off, I was up in the middle of the night texting myself possible conference paper titles:

  

  yes I know I should not be on my phone in the middle of the night.

  I’m hoping to get in to both the OTESSA con (virtual) and the STLHE conference (in St John’s) this year.

• I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on AI and how it’s going to impact how I teach technical communication. On Friday I’m going to have a fun class lecture / activity day with ChatGPT. I’m starting to put together some resources and ideas over on this Notion page, if you’d like a peek.

• Over the weekend, Danny and I watched this WILD documentary:

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  Meme of the week:

  

  classic. and true :-/