Happy Father's Day, mamas.
moth·er: "to look after in a (sometimes excessively) kindly and protective way"
Happy Father’s Day. If today feels complicated for you, know you are not alone.
This Thursday, I filed a 110-page court application requesting current and retroactive support from my child’s father. I’m now representing myself legally, and I hope my efforts will finally secure financial support from her dad, who has chosen not to provide any since January 2023.
But this week I’m not going to write about my legal woes. I want to understand the difference between “father” and “mother.”
Of course, as a former English major, I had to run straight to the holy text itself to begin looking for my answer. The definitions and etymology did not disappoint:
Even a quick glance at the entry reveals differences between the expectations set for parenting roles. The term “mothering” has distinct connotations compared to “fathering.” And from the moment I saw the two blue lines on the pregnancy test, I’ve been navigating the gap between the anticipated and the actual realities of parenting in my life.
Parenting isn’t just imitation or merely about “acting like a [mom or a dad],” it includes the actual duties of “bringing up, caring for, and protecting.”
Indeed, there are fathers out there with excellent mothering skills, just as there are moms who have simply fathered their kids. These words and labels have impact.
I’ve always been intrigued by how roles play out in society, along with how we can subconsciously assume the stereotypes. Despite the challenges I’ve faced as a mama, I carry few regrets about this lifelong career of mine. This doesn’t mean I’ve been a perfect parent — I’ve made plenty of mistakes, but I’ve also actively worked to recognize those moments and improve.
So, here’s to a happy Father’s Day — whether you’re a dad or a mom fulfilling both roles.
And to the dads reading this, Happy Father’s Day to you too. May you also embrace the role of being a good mom to your kids.
Things that brought me joy this week:
As mentioned, my court docs are now officially filed, which means — like it or not — there’s nothing left for me to do but wait for the chambers date. I’m thankful for PLEA SK, a free service that answered all my filing questions. I always wanted to be a lawyer, I just did not expect to be one while writing a dissertation.
SO MUCH RAIN. I can tell I’m an old prairie lady because I am so stoked. I hope this much early rain in the summer translates to less smokey skies later.
Spruce tip and fresh mint chip ice cream from Fable.
Tis the season for lots of craft shows! And I found me a gem of a yxefind. Every day 1 of RCM 200, I like to give historical context to the course. As a required humanities course in a technical College, most students are very hesitant walking into class on the first day. I like to dispel any misunderstandings of what’s ahead of them, so I will often talk to them about the course’s old nickname of “speak and spell” — which I always have to explain to my baby millennials what that means. I now OWN my own speak and spell! And it works!
PhDing: I’m writing. And while it’s excruciating to do, I think I may be onto something.
New wound for an old one: I’ve gotten my septum pierced. I got it right after I filed my docs for Chambers. I love it.
Watching: We finished Baby Reindeer. I hated and liked it a lot. Reading: The Doctor’s Wife series by Daniel Hurst. (Read this and not the Housemaid series!) Listening: He’s Fine by the Secret Sisters.
Happy almost pride! 🌈
For so many of us, this is not the best day. It is important, I think, to speak openly about our own messy realities, so that others might feel less alone. I think you do that often in your weekly reports here. You are building community.