it's independence day
on choosing better soil
It’s day three of my summer holidays, and for the first time in a long time, there’s no dissertation writing waiting for me in the days ahead.
This week I’m away at one of my favourite retreat spots in the southern part of the province, a place where I can soak in the quiet, watch sunsets, listen to birds, and give my brain the kind of rest that helps to make room for new ideas.
The big project I’m beginning this summer is figuring out how to turn my dissertation into a book.
Last week, before starting my vacation, I had another workplace run-in that left me looking both backward and forward.
Over the past few years, I’ve had more than my share of challenges in my department — many of them growing out of the complicated interpersonal edges that can develop when the same people work alongside one another for two decades.
The details of what happened aren’t the most important part of my story. What struck me instead was how differently I experienced it.
A few years ago, I would have thrown myself into proving my worth, correcting the record, and trying to change someone else’s perception of me. This time, despite being faced with more of the same, I found myself responding in a way that would have been almost unimaginable back then.
Rather than doubling down on proving myself or challenging the misrepresentation, I chose a different path. I recognized the landscape I was standing on and accepted that I could not control how others saw me.
Instead of fighting to change their minds, I protected my own peace and turned my attention toward the work (and the people) that continue to make me feel alive.
Earlier this week, a girlfriend of mine shared a post called “Strange Advice from Older Women That Actually Worked.” And with a title like that, you know I had to read the whole thing.
Advice #7 stopped me in my tracks:
It was then that I realized this was exactly what I had chosen to do last week.
The old Rebekah would have spent hours defending herself, trying to correct the record, and convincing an unpersuadable audience of her worth. Back then, walking away would have felt like surrender.
Today, walking away feels like the wiser choice: not because I’m giving up, but because I’d rather plant my energy where it has a chance to grow.
For too long, I gave my energy to the wrong places and people. The older I get, the more intentional I become about who I give my time and energy to.
I’m also done trying to guess what other people expect of me. Instead, my new thing is to ask directly — kindly, but clearly — what is expected. Once I know, I can decide how I want to respond.
Over the last few months, I have deliberately put myself into new situations where I’ve had a taste of what it feels like to be valued for both what I know + what I bring to the table.
My goal for the year ahead is to seek out more of those spaces: places where I can continue becoming the scholar, teacher, and professional I know I’m capable of being.
And for the spaces that aren’t interested in what I have to offer? That’s okay. They don’t have to choose me.
I’ll simply plant myself somewhere else.
Things that brought me joy this week:
One of the best parts of coming home has been playing European-souvenir fairy: wooden tulips from Holland (shhhh… I also smuggled home a couple of bulbs 🌷), Miffy figurines for the teens in my life, lavender from Croatia, heart-shaped Croatian cookie ornaments with mirrors, and enough Tony’s Chocolonely bars to make me everyone's favourite traveller.
This week on my writing retreat, I get to spend more time with Marvin the Magnificent.
Last week, Danny and I finished watching The Bear, and it was pretty much the perfect way to wrap up the series. The stories I love most are the ones that continue unfolding in my mind long after I’ve finished them, and this character-driven show has given me a cast that I’ll be thinking about (and missing) for a long time yet.
Emma bought herself a new-used car! It’s such a gift to be alongside her as she discovers the joys (and woes) of adulting.
My flowers and garden are looking pretty great, especially after all the rain we’ve had on the prairies over the last month. Next week looks like it’ll be a hot one, so here’s hoping my tomatoes finally take off.
Speaking of planting myself in new places, I got an email this week from the University Secretary’s Office inviting me to serve a three-year term on the Teaching, Learning and Academic Resources Committee of University Council. I’m excited for the opportunity to play a bigger role in shaping teaching and learning across campus.
