my tiny teacher
I have such a kind, wise kid.
Last week was a whirlwind as we got to play host to our friend (and now, Japanese sister) Hinata, who came to visit us from Toyama, Japan.
Emma gave her a great Canadian experience: from taking her ice skating at the Bess, watching an anime film at a downtown theatre, a Costco supper (!!), a trip to the zoo, school tours, cat café dates with friends, a lot of typing into Google translate, plus many Poppy cuddles. It ended up being an exhausting but life-changing time for all of us, and I’m so glad we had a chance to experience it.
As I watched my kind, generous girl work to give her new friend a great week in Saskatoon, she ended up teaching me an important lesson.
When she was a baby, I joked that Emma was my zen teacher: she had a way of teaching me to embrace and live in the moment.
Granted, I had always wanted a baby who was a cuddler and who wanted to be close to me — what I got was a baby who never wanted to be put down or go to sleep. That fun combo made for a exhausting first few years, particularly since I was a first-time mom (w/postpartum depression) living with an unsupportive + disinterested partner.
However, my baby and I found a way to survive the challenges of those sleepless months, and because of it all, we drew closer. I learned how to observe and listen to her nonverbal way of talking to me, and in turn, she taught me how to be her mom.
Seventeen years later, I don’t have to worry as much about her immediate needs, but she still teaches me so many lessons as I watch her live her life.
Emma isn’t going to Japan this year.
And it’s so fucking unfair.
She got up to the team’s first-alternate, but a spot was not available for this year’s trip — despite that, she has maintained a wholehearted commitment to the exchange program.
She spent her entire last summer working to save for the trip. She still volunteered to host a student, even though many who are going on the actual trip did not care to host.
She committed to attending every culture class, even knowing she wouldn't be able to use the skills on the actual trip.
Her love for Japanese art and culture remains so deep and sincere — and despite the hard reality (and I would say, injustice) of her not being able to go on the trip, her attitude has remained optimistic and kind.
And as I watch her manage her disappointment, she is teaching me about grace.
While I may want to rage on Emma’s behalf about how unfair it is, yet here she is, showing me — yet again — what it means to be focused on the moment, and not get caught in the past or upset about what is happening in the future. She accepts life, and finds ways to be kind and happy, even when it doesn’t work out the way you’d like.
She is still a great teacher.
Things that brought me joy this week:
Yesterday I got to give a workshop on persuasive writing for a local Usask Muslim student group. Last term I worked with a student on a topic surrounding the war in Gaza, and it was such a rewarding experience for us both — he asked me if I would be willing to come talk with his group about what we learned. It was pretty great to tag-team with a student about the power of using your argument for good. I love being a teacher.
This week I went to a recovery group that was hosted by Laura McKowen in The Luckiest Club. How cool is it to be able to listen, in real time, to the voice of someone who’s work I admire so much! I am finding such unconditional love and support in the recovery community — it feels so humbling.
In my ongoing recovery work — this week has been a challenge, on many personal fronts. Despite the joys of having Hinata here, there were some very challenging personal things happen to me … and yet, I did not at all want to drink alcohol to numb or forget about what I was going through. That is PROGRESS. It all still sucks, but at least I don’t have a hangover to have to manage on top of it all.
PhDing — my first class observation is behind me, along with my first recorded conversation. I can’t even begin to think of processing this data, but it’s a start. If I can survive til May, I can then start work on this second full time job.
Reading: Soberful. Watching: The Bear season 2 finale. Listening: to the new girl downstairs singing REALLY loud ::sideeye emoji::
Meme of the week:
Poppy is a universal healer who always knows exactly who needs some cat time. Great post. Emma was a gracious and sincere host. It was lovely to witness. Poppy and Emma be Bodhisattvas.