Rebekah is resentful

I know what I need to do. I just don't want to do it.

pensive Poppy

There are no words of wisdom to share this week. Life is just happening, despite myself. It was a normal week in many ways — work, parenting, and more work.

I booked an appointment with my family doctor because I can’t tell if I’m experiencing perimenopause or if I need ADHD medication to help me focus. Dr. Internet suggests it might be both. I’m exhausted and not sleeping well, and I really don’t want to add researching my health issues to my ever-expanding to-do list. I’m now on a year-long wait to get into the women’s clinic, and will wait until January to get an ADHD assessment.

Work is just work. I wish I were better utilized in the institutional system I’m part of, but I also recognize that I’m not willing to sacrifice my integrity or identity to gain recognition from those in charge. It still stings.

Most of the leaves on the trees have fallen, and it’s officially dark by 7 PM.

There’s at least a 6-8 week wait before my child support application will even be looked at by someone in maintenance enforcement.

This week I voted in two elections (US + SK) that seem way too neck and neck, and I can’t let myself get too optimistic that the fascists won’t win. Lately I’ve been carrying a low-grade anxiety about the state of the world that I can’t seem to shake.

This week I finished marking all the midterms on my desk. I still have 72 cover letter/resume assignments left to grade, and I’m expecting another 80 assignments on my desk by Thursday next week. I feel you, Sisyphus.

Oh and right, I still have a dissertation left to write.

I recognize that this post has more of a maze and not a labyrinth kind of feel to it, and yes, I do know that how my mindset on the situation will change my experience of it.

Today I just resent having to do all the work.

but I’m not gonna drink about it.

As you were.

I’ll be back with a better attitude next week.

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Things that brought me joy this week:

• Emma has finally received the educational assessment she’s been waiting for over the past two years! While most of the results were expected, she discovered some surprising strengths. I hope these results, along with some new accommodations and strategies, will help give her a solid start when she begins university next year.

• I didn’t burn down my house. But I did lose my favourite oven mitt. (did I mention to you the brain fog I’m under?)

• My community garden’s sweet, frosted carrots are officially picked, along with all of my scraggly beets. I was going to plant garlic this year, but I’m not sure that’ll happen.

• PhDing: I have about 4000 words written on my participants, which seems like a pretty good start. I’ve never written about people before, so I’m curious to hear some feedback from my supervisor about how I did for my first shot. I need to keep going.

• Watching: Marissa dodge a bullet with Ramses. Listening: to too much news. Reading: Confederate monument melted down to create new, more inclusive public art (here. for. it.)

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Meme of the week:

if I had to see this, you did too