an intention for 2k24
(and no, it's not a resolution.)
It’s a new year, and a new me! (hardly)
Most of y’all know I value a good re-start — so much so, that lately it feels like I’m constantly in pursuit of the next fix to find for myself. And lately I am recognizing how zealous I can become in this quest of self-improvement.
It’s a vicious cycle:
I want to be a better human, so I set a few goals for myself to improve.
I begin to make progress toward these goals, and I start to see results.
Life inevitably happens, and I falter. I lose momentum. I break my streak of good choices for myself.
I then beat myself up with vicious self-criticism, which leads me to quit doing the things that help me.
I get stuck.
I want to be a better human, so I set a few goals for myself to improve.
[…and repeat]
I recognize this pattern is very human, but it’s one that I want to tweak in the coming year. To do that, I want to tweak how I view the whole process. In reading Marlee Grace’s Getting to Center, I’ve appreciate how they rework the understanding of what it means to find and achieve “balance:”
“Instead of finding balance, I like the language of ‘getting back on the beam.’ As if to say, we will always get knocked off, and we may get knocked off when we least expect it...So I’ve built tools into my life that help me get back on the beam faster” (Grace, 2020, pp. 1).
In the days ahead there’s going to be a million posts and memes and reels about setting and maintaining your New Year’s resolutions. I really like this idea of “getting back on the beam” as an analogy of persistence — and it’s one that I think will help me as I set out on my 2024 quest. It helps soothe my perfectionistic brain that wants to value the streak over the re-start.
I’ve not been one to set resolutions for the New Year, though I do like the idea of focusing in on a word as an intention for the year.
My word for 2024: torch.
I was thinking about the work I’d like to accomplish this year — and I want so much of my work to shine a light: whether it’s the doctoral research work I want to do in regards to exposing the performative world of higher ed, or the therapeutic internal work I’ve got to process through the complex trauma of growing up evangelical.
I also like how the word ‘torch’ also means to set afire. And depending on what gets ‘shone’ in my work in the year ahead, I may want to set it ablaze.
Things that brought be joy this week:
I love the nomad’s land that is the week between Xmas and New Years’. I managed to avoid the pile of final exams that were dumped on me on 12/22, so this week will be a week of catching up the old and setting up the new. A new set of classes start on Wednesday.
Another of my PhD buddies has finished their dissertation! I’m hoping all the good vibes of my dear friends finishing will bode well for me, who’s just starting. I hope to hear from the Research Ethics Board in the next few weeks regarding my dissertation project!
Danny started a newsletter! It’s all about his triathlon journey — check it out.
Watching: Sister Wives Talk Back. Reading: The Good Samaritan. Avoiding: marking research reports and final exams.
Meme of the week:
