the costs of compliance

defiance is a choice, not a personality

Apr 06, 2025

a protest sign from a Tesla Takedown event

Lately I have been reflecting on what it means to comply versus to defy.

The most obvious example of this dynamic is the current political climate we are all witnessing unfold back home, down in the land of the free. Each day, the world hears about corporations and universities choosing compliance as a form of self-defense, hoping their obedience will appease the budding authoritarian in office.

Anyone who knows me won't be surprised to hear that I've defied a thing or a person or two in my lifetime. Whether it was standing up to bullies on the playground or challenging hypocritical ministers in a megachurch, I've had my share of defiant acts.

Often, people have viewed defiance as a personality trait of mine, and growing up in a high-demand religion, my acts of defiance were often labeled as disobedience.

What if defiance is more than just a personality trait? What if defiance is a decision we can make?

This week during a walk to school, I listened to one of my favourite podcasts, Teaching in Higher Ed. Dr. Sunita Sah was interviewed about her latest book, Defy: How to Say No in a World That Demands Yes.

Right from the start of her book, Dr. Sah offers a revised definition of DEFY:

Dr. Sah argues that society conditions us to comply.

In the opening chapter, she writes: “Defiance is the exception. Obedience is the rule,” which makes sense. We humans live and operate in community, and compromise is a big part of how we all can get along. Sah also notes that our society is not set up for acts of defiance because the costs of speaking out can often be too great.

Yet while defiance can come at a high cost, compliance can be just as costly.

Since I started understanding who I am by clarifying my values, I see the world — and my place in it — very differently. The values I carry work as my internal compass points, and when I face conflict in my life, it is often because there’s a clash happening between my values and someone else’s.

Later in the chapter, Sah sets the intention of her book’s argument:

Maybe defiance is a value that I did not realize I had.

This last week was the final week of classes at the university, and everyone — students, faculty, and staff — is exhausted.

If I had any control over my life, I would not have scheduled a major decision for me to have to face this week. Without delving into too much detail, I found myself at a crossroads: should I comply or defy?

I didn't realize it at the time, but my dilemma was rooted in a challenge to one of my core values: competence. As Dr. Sah puts it in her book, "Do I go along with this, even if it doesn't feel right?"

I decided to defy — and it didn't work out.

In some ways, I left my defiant moment feeling just as defeated yet resolved as when I walked out of Family Court last fall.

Today, like back then, even though I have no idea if my choice to defy will work out in my favour, I have no regrets for choosing to say no when I felt pressured to say yes.

I've only just begun to absorb Dr. Sah’s argument, but I'm grateful to have come across her research and ideas. The timing was perfect, and perhaps it can help you, too, during these challenging times.

This does not mean I will go actively seek out more moments for me to fight + defy … instead, it means that the next time I find myself facing a “critical moment of compliance,” I will now better understand my drive to speak out and defy, or to comply + accept.

Things that brought me joy this week:

It's "Mt. Everest" challenge month at my Versaclimber gym, and I'm aiming to reach 30,000 feet by the end of the month. Only 21,000 feet left to go!
I’m published! I found out that my submission to the book Academic Wintering: Embracing Warmth, Inclusion, and Renewal in Higher Education was accepted and published! I wrote about how I try to bring joy to students by using stickers in my classes.
Classes wrapped up for me on Friday, and this term has been one of the most fulfilling I've had as a teacher. I can't tell if it's because I'm thinking on my feet more clearly now that I'm medicated for ADHD, but this term I have found such a flow in the classroom! I've also received so much unprompted appreciation from students. They don't realize just how much I needed their support this term.
In addition to being medicated for ADHD, I also started hormone replacement therapy (HRT) last week! After being on the waiting list for the women's clinic for over a year, I finally decided to go visit a private one. While it hurt my socialized medicine heart to pay for help, I'm so grateful I had a whole hour with a nurse practitioner who answered so many questions about my rebellious body.
I’m about halfway through the Sober Life course, and we are now working on understanding several core emotions we carry. This week, Martha Beck’s work was mentioned in a lesson, and now I’m forever adding “change-back attack” to my vocabulary: “The problem, as you may have noticed, is that not everyone you know, love, or work with is overjoyed to tread the path of change along with you.”
Speaking of feeling like a cooped-up cheetah, I’m so ready to dive back into my dissertation writing! I just need to survive my crushing load of marking first, and then I can write, write, write until August. I hope to have a draft of my dissertation by the end of the summer, and defend this fall.
I think Spring may actually be here in Saskatoon? I just know that I am ready for life to come back.
Reading: Defy: The power of no in a world that demands yes by Sunita Sah. Listening: "All You Fascists Bound To Lose" by Resistance Revival Chorus with Rhiannon Giddens. Watching: LIB Sweden, S2.